I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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