he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is Oprah even human
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
