He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
