Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
