arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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