Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
