Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
how does that bad decision feel?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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