not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
