It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
