so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
