you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
its not stalking. its research.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
