Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
too bad you live with your parents still
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
