using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
