I think I just saw someone hide a body.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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