I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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