ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
