Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
