How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize