I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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