Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
