i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
