there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
