if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
