think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How's work?
Spinning.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
