My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
