Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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