Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
