You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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