At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
