I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
