okay pat passed out under dana's car
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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