Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
