Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
