i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
