I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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