Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
