I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
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she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
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Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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