They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
