Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
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did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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