my vag is so smooth its legendary
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
