Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
