Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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