I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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