How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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