i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
