hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
