I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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