we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
