i was born a porn star she said
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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