he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
