I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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