I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
