dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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