she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
