She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
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Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
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One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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