There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
