Where did you get a picture of my penis
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
