Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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