After last night, I could never be a politician.
Say something about gay babies.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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