So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
