Need sex. Gaining weight.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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