I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
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I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
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There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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