I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize