my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
