I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Welp...herpes.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
