he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
