If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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