Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
