I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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