This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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